Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Things about stuff

I did it! I stepped on the scale this morning and saw the number I've dreamt about since I found out my Mom weighed this when I was 13. 115! 115!
So I finally have my *almost* dream body (shame about the saggy skin, I mean, wtf?) and I'm determined to be happy about it.
I spend so much time being negative and focusing on everything that's bad and wrong and suckish....
My bff is leaving the Island tomorrow...
I have to work this weekend...
I hate my hair..
I have no boyfriend..
But I DO have many good things in my life:
Friends. Books. Gym time. Vegan pizza :)

Friends

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

On a stormy, dull Wednesday,

its nice to remember some fun times over the summer.

end of summer drinks wif cool work peeps

beer, boat and summer

summer work party at gorgeous resort

Toronto Thai with fam


Toronto diner wif Sissy

tattoo #2 and counting but oh the agony

Friday, November 4, 2011

love; youth


I love this picture. If you're out there, and with someone you love - do this!
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Sunday, October 16, 2011

Brag time - skip if you hate it :)

Sooooo 118 this morning! I can hardly believe it. After getting down to 135 after my lil breakdown, I was so surprised because I never thought I could/would get there. And now? Wow. So happy with my 'new' body. It's pretty amazing to me to look into the mirror most days and think I look pretty good.
p.s. I think I need some new shorts!


YAY!!!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Tuesday Rant

I just almost replied to a tweet in my edrecovery group, before realising that my own tweet read 'happy dance in size 2 pants!'.....not exactly supportive of the message I was going to send.
Which is the crux for me of this matter. Yes I know I've developed some unhealthy habits and thoughts around food. Yes I know it's not good for my body. And yes I know that if it turns really bad I could be in some serious trouble.
But. Can I tell you how happy I am to feel my ribs against my thighs when I forward bend in yoga? Or how ecstatic I am that my new size 2 Gap pants are big on me? And if these things make me happy, well, what's wrong with that?
Why should I be frowned upon for losing weight in not the most healthy way possible, when there are SO many overweight people out there killing themselves with milkshakes and baconcheeseburgers and supersized everything!?!?!
And by saying the above, my rationalization will be pointed at as defense of my issues surrounding weight and food.
Its so very frustrating. How can a person look at me and say loudly - are you eating enough? are you exercising too much? you'd better stop that!  - and yet someone much too big to be healthy walks by behind me with a greasy paper sack full of lunch thinking walking down the road to pick it up is enough daily exercise? WTF? But if I express any of the above, well, I'm just a skinny bitch.
So to me it's one more thing that I'm not allowed to take joy in, because I'm not doing it the right way.
And lemme tell you, it's pissing me off.
So when I do get into that size zero, even though I'll likely be talked about with fake concern by everyone and their dog, I'm going to enjoy the fuck out of it.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

sigh

I know its all my own doing, but kinda feel like this bear today.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Salad King Toronto

This is an amazing Thai restaurant. The original site actually burned down, and people were bereft until they opened a new one.
The food's really good and the decor and seating arrangements are pure city.
Toronto takes some getting used to for me, because I'm used to a much quieter Island existence.
Either that or I'm just getting old and should in fact move to Florida instead :)

I particularly love that you can watch people walk by from the huge plate glass second story window. I love the whole electric vibe of this city and I really miss it when I'm not there!

Monday, September 26, 2011

carnival days


deep fried oreo yum
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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Love a fire pit


This was taken when Kristyboo and I were at James' Mom's place on Georgian Bay. What a great night. Funny. Spooky. Magic.
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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Seals are jerks

Look at this lil guy:

Because he's red, everyone hates him. His mom abandoned him. The other seals beat him up. He's partially blind so he can't hunt properly. If a photographer hadn't come across him and called a wildlife centre for help, he would have died, hungry and lonely.
Sure he's different. But he's a seal too. You jerks. You deserve to get eaten by Orcas.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

mega-drop


This is the megadrop Sissy and I went on at the CNE. It was the best time we've had together in ages. The hour or so we were set free from the rest of the pack we had a thai massage, Shelley bodychecked another feeble type human, thought she smelled like onions, and we faced our fears and did the drop.
We screamed so hard our throats hurt. It was wild, like no roller coaster or other ride. There's a second there that your brain is in no way in control over your body. And all of your instincts are telling you that you're gonna die. Like immediately.
We got off that thing grinning so hard our faces almost split.
Times like that really bring it home to me how much I love and miss my sister.
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Me an' Shells

My sissyboo, doing a Marilyn pose, tryina act like she's all taller 'an me .
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Me and Mom


We're at the airport in this one, I hadn't remembered to register my camera with customs (something you have to do for electronics before you go away, to prove that you didn't buy them on that trip, to avoid having to pay duty on them twice), so I figured that if I took a picture of us in the Bermuda Airport that would prove I had the camera before we left. It wasn't ultimately necessary, and I thought myself quite clever, until I learned that most everyone does this before they take a camera overseas. Oh well.
As you can see, I haven't quite gotten the self portrait thing down....
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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Perfect


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Saturday, August 13, 2011

Because it is my Heart

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter - bitter,", he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because, it is my heart."
 - Stephen Crane

Not quite there.....but what a difference

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2010

2011


 2011 is me at my initial goal weight, upon reflection (and after seeing a bathing suit pic), I've reset that goal! Its a constant struggle, but looking back, so well worth it!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

(reality) check in


I love this photo. It could be the far away look on my face ( I didn't know it was being taken ), or the graphic art in the background, or just the fact that its in the Moonbeam Cafe in Kensington Market.
I've applied 'gritty' process from picasa to it, because I like and hate how it accentuates my age marks - circles, wrinkles, sun spots.
Right now, I'm completely obsessed with my weight, my hair, my face..completely turned inward and the world outside means nothing to me.
I'm not sure what will snap me out of it. Or if anything will.
I think this photo captures all of that perfectly.
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