Wednesday, May 4, 2011

dis my bubble...I likes it

I've finally found a nice, safe place for me to be. It involves a very structured routine, and tons of solitude. I've been talking to my therapist and my sister (sometimes the same thing) about my newly evolved fear of stepping out of that. I want to go away. I want to go out, do things, out of my norm. But when I think about doing that, I get frightened, and anxious. It doesn't help that the first time I ventured out of the cave I ran into my ex. Nice one, universe. But as Dr. G pointed out, I survived that, and bounced back nicely, learning things about myself in the process. Even with this example and a few others, I still doubt my ability to venture into the big dark scary world without melting down. I know where I've been, and I don't want to go back there. It sucked. I've been lectured (x 2) about the need to move, the danger of remaining static. I've created this lovely little bubble, this beautiful calm space protecting me from the nasty world. I want to stay here. But I know that I can't.

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