Sunday, September 12, 2010

one big tornado

"To see a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive?"

Hey, how does it know? How does the sleeping mind know to send you images that may cause you to think a little more deeply about the state of it?

Here's me, ages (2 years) ago, happy and in love, so much so, for the first time.

candid cuddle shot

 Here's me, now, miserable and in love. Again, for the first time.

my life is a dark room
And I have to wonder, do I set myself up to fail? Do I pose decision making on the deliberation of what could possibly hurt me the most in the long run? Seems I do.

Instead of being blissfully single after the demise of my fateful marriage, I go and fall in love with (of course) someone who is unavailable on every level. And not only do I go and do that, I stick with it. 

Me, to me, "Hey, this really hurts! So I'll keep doing it". Over and over. It would take years of therapy to get to the root of these self destructive tendencies I have. So right now, I'm admitting that I'm an emotional masochist. Is there an EMA out there?  I don't know, folks, I just don't. I think I'll throw in the towel, stay in my cave, allow the realisation to dawn that some things, like love, are not meant for some people (me).

Now to start collecting cats...oh, right, I don't really like 'em.

1 comment:

  1. man if i read this before you showed up here i would really have gotten you trashed.