Have you seen it?

My hope? My happiness?
Here's me, end of summer work party 2008, totally unaware that there's a picture being taken, but smiling placidly off into the distance.....

and yeah, work cruises are hilarious

Oh man, I was happy! I had achieved physical and mental freedom from an abusive marriage. I had received a promotion, and a new position in the company. I was embarking on an exciting new relationship.

I remember exactly how I was feeling, and wow, do I miss it.

Lets just say I've learned my lesson again. About being hopeful and excited for 'new starts'.

At this age, and this point in my life, I'm wary of ever being optimistic. I know that is the beauty of the human condition, that we get knocked down and get up again with eyes on the horizon, looking for that better day.

What is worse? Being eager and enthusiastic and being repeatedly let down? Or being blase and negative and never having a hope to dash?

I dunno. I had a great day yesterday and I know that there are great days in my future. But, this isn't one of them.